his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
