Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
