remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
