Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Let's paint friendship bongs
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
