I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
