...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's shark week go big or go home
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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