so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
