Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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