This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
