you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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