Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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