So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he fucked my hip out of place.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
