TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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