omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
