so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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