Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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