There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
