Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
