How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
