My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
