I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
