I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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