I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
