Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
it's like iHOP with fire
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
