rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
