so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
