I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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