plz talk dirty to me
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
