If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
