I wish I only lived at night.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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