Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
