Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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