Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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