Banned from zoo.
Again?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I didn't notice because vodka
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
