So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
