Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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