Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Randomize
