I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
