So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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