I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
