No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
