I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
