it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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