everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
