Im at strip club and am horny
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
