The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
