burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
