i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
