Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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