i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
