So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she looked like the before picture.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
