Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
